Thursday, September 08, 2005

From the "Lack of Personality" department

You know, online dating isn't all it's cracked up to be.

There are a lot of nutcases out there (This isn't the one that Erni and I know, it's a new one. I'll get to her in a bit, just bear with me).

I mean, you've got a large population of mostly desperate people sitting in their underwear at their PC with grandiose visions of what they're really like. Some of us like to think that we've done an accurate portrayal of what we've got going on, our values, our beliefs, etc. I assume that there are others out there that know they're lieing out their asses.

So, I'm on one of these sites and I get an email from someone. I check out their profile. "Going slow" and "Getting to know you" are both items they mention. "Great", I think, "I've got a week from hell this week, we can exchange email and get to know each other" (this is on Monday).

Friday comes along and we agree for coffee. I get home from work and find an email: "Could'nt meet you tonight as I had a much better offer of dinner, movie, and some loving after that. He is a really good looking guy, so gotta go where the looks and personality are, which if you don't mind me saying you seem to lacking".

sigh.

OK, maybe I don't, but if you're going to hire someone else to write YOUR profile, you should maybe see what it says.

We've had no end of laughter over this one. Pretty much everyone this story has been shared with has come close to shooting some beverage or another out of their nose (ah, the timing of a joke is crucial).

That's when I almost made a crucial mistake. The following monday I get another email asking for coffee again (maybe she's just a hobo looking for a free cup of coffee?) and again we chat.

One email/chat session leads to another. I'm getting angry, she calls me loser (isn't this where 'angry sex' comes from?) and eventually she says she's had enough 'cause I won't agree to go home with her, site unseen.

Hello? Did she miss the part about 'getting to know' and 'go slow'?

It's enough to make you consider switching teams. Well. not really. It's at least enough to make you consider giving up on the 'internet method'.

See. Cheezies and Porn IS a lot safer.

Crystal. Erni. Weigh in here....

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